By the Grace of God part 2: I'm still Standing.

If you are coming over from FB or twitter. Please read part one first. It will make much more sense if you do.

"I don't know how you deal with things as bad as your visual snow and tinnitus get."

It is a statement or those like it that I've heard more than a few times over the years. Often by good friends who know about my daily struggles with both conditions. My usual reply has been "By the Grace of God I'm still standing." I really do what I can not to dwell on either condition. On any given day it can vary on how bad either the tinnitus or the VS is going to be. I would say that in most cases. I have more trouble with the tinnitus during a typical day. The noise in my ears is always bad on some level. Sometimes it pushes me to my limits. The snow itself takes a back seat. Other than the light sensitivity and the afterimages. When I have both noise and the snow fired up. It can make for some very choppy waters. But I still manage though the day.

Anyone who has ever taken the time to get to know me. Even reading this blog. Understand that I live in the shadow of disability. I have a mild form of cerebral palsy which has enough of an impact. Growing up I have always had some kind of challenge that has had to be overcome. I've been given more than a few bad hands in the deck of genetic cards. The fact that I deal with issues like tinnitus or even VS isn't all that much of a surprise for me. I refuse to let these issues define who I am as a person. I'm not going to let these challenges get in the way of the kind of person I want to be. This isn't about thinking positive thoughts or even wishful thinking. It is about having an understanding that this is what I deal with. Knowing full well that I'm going to have days that will be harder than others. Living with chronic issues like these. What is important for my own well being is that the better mood I have when I am dealing with a rough day. The less of a challenge these issues become.

It also speaks of a much deeper issue. That above all else my Catholic faith is extremely important to who I am. It is the foundation that I stand on as a person. It is very much active in the choices that I have made. In the paths that I follow. Even when I am dealing with the various challenges that I face. I have never been one to ask God as to "why" I have suffer with this. Or even so much to take this away from me. If anything I am often times praying for an inner strength so that I can ride out the storm. How I ride out the storms is tied directly to the foundation that I have. I rely on my faith because it does give me an inner peace. It gives me an over all sense of wisdom in all of my activities. Such as the things that I take part in to help me over come my challenges. The reality is I am a Child of God.

I have a personal policy of rarely talking about how bad things are with me. Doesn't matter of it's FB, here, or even to my close friends. Once in a while I will make some kind of off handed comment. But I will not always go into grand detail. This is something that I live with. But it is not who I am as a person. I have challenges. But they don't stop me from living my life. I refuse to let my challenges define who I am. I would rather be defined by how I life my life as a Catholic. How I do stuff though the Amateur Radio community. As well as my work with the Lego Church Project.

At the end of the day it all boils down to this:

"I don't know how you deal with things as bad as your visual snow and tinnitus get."

By the Grace of God I am still standing.

-jm