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Saturday, June 20, 2020

A Rush to Judgement on Disability




When I look at my own life though the challenges I face. The biggest problem that I tend to run into is this rather quick rush to judgement about me due to the nature of my disabilities. Though out the course of my life I've had some pretty nasty stuff directed at me as the years have moved on. People are constantly questioning my motives. Or even worse they don't believe me because I don't fit into those narrow boxes of what people who have a disability should look or act like. It has lead to harassment and at times discrimination. 

Going to school was a challenge because I was picked on and bullied a lot. I had to endure so much in school because for some reason the kids felt that I was different. That didn't get any easier as an adult and even now I still face that kind of discrimination that is often overlooked and at times justified. Often by well meaning people who don't realize that such actions and words are noticed. Sometimes they hurt even when that is not their intention. It seems that having a disability, especially an invisible one, still has some kind of stigma attached to it.

Everything that is negative being thrown at you can easily wear you down. If your not careful it can lead you down to a very nasty place if you let it. By the Grace of God I am still standing. As a Catholic I have been able to rely on my faith during some of the more challenging moments of my life. Though Christ I have learned to try, as much as I can, to take the high road. Doing what I can to not hold on to the anger. I realize that some people just don't understand. They do not know what it is like to live with a disability. More so if it is one of the ones not easily seen. They will also be the ones who won't take the time to try and understand. In Matthew 5:7 it says: "Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy." Part of taking that high road is to follow that wisdom: I have forgiven a lot of people because of their ignorance. My hope is that by talking about what I've faced that I can open up people's eyes a little bit. I pray that people would have some empathy before they make that kind of a rush to judgement. 


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Monday, June 8, 2020

Going to Mass





On Sunday I had the chance to attend Mass for the first time in almost twelve weeks. It was probably for me, one of the most difficult, and anxiety inducing moments I have had. The anxiety was not related to the virus or fear from it. Rather it was from all the "social distancing rules" that were in place. In many ways it was heart breaking because of the looks on everyone around me. Some of us, and with good reason, are very afraid. At the same time we had such a look of sad children.

During my time at the parish I was lost in my own thoughts. I spent some time in prayer reflecting on many things. During that time I was reminded that God has guided me (and everyone) though many storms with in our lives. That God has remained with us. Even when the boat has been tossed about. It seemed all too fitting given the recent events as of late. I am well aware of the issues with Covid. The protests over the death of George Floyd. The riots and devastation of innocent lives in the aftermath. I am also fully aware that some people fully support, and embrace, such violence and feel that it is the only solution. Yet even with all that going on. Sitting inside the church I am reminded of God's endless love. 

Going to Mass brought with me a clarity that I have not felt in a very long time. What we are seeing right now, with the restrictions, is only temporary. With in time we will have Mass with out limits. As I was praying the thought came to mind: What if God wants us, during this time, to put more of our faith forward. I mean after all are we not true witnesses to what God has done for us? Can we put more of our efforts into asking God to reawaken in us a spirit of hope? I'm sure some will get upset that the churches are starting to reopen. After all the last thing the evil one wants is for us to give any kind of Glory to God. Anyone who knows me understands how important my faith us. The Mass is important to me and I will ride out the storm! I will give Glory to God in all things! And I will keep the prayer that God will change things for the better, sooner than later, and refuse to give up hope on this. 



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Saturday, June 6, 2020

People Wonder





People often wonder how I can have such a strong faith in a world that seems to have lost it. How I can talk about the power of prayer in the face of things that should destroy the human spirit.

My answer is this: When I look though out my entire life. I've seen the events that have shaped me. I've seen so many things happen that seemed to be completely impossible to overcome and yet have seen turned around thanks to those who are willing to put their faith forward. I have seen what Surrendering to Christ can do for those who believe in HIM! I have seen too many things go from bad to good thanks to asking God for help. 

That is why when the storms seem to be at their worse. I know God will answer the prayers of the faithful. HE has done it countless times and has changed the course of many lives. How can we stand here and openly proclaim Christ as our Savior and yet not accept that God can and will change things for the better if we are willing to ASK. If anything we cannot allow ourselves to give into the fear and the doubts that the world will not change for the better. If anything we who proclaim Christ have the power. We have always had it. That power is our Faith in Jesus Christ. Prayer will help if we are willing to Ask God for help. I know I am.


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Wednesday, June 3, 2020

A little Ducky





Every evening or so I take a short little ride in my apartment complex. Often times to clear my head of the events around me. In most cases I will once in a while see the random rabbit and that's about it. Nothing overly eventful taking place. The other night? Well I was in for an adventure. This started off with seeing a group of geese flying over my head as I started off. Then I ended up spotting a Mother duck and her ducklings. I followed them around for a little bit till they came near the one corner of the complex. That's when I saw the rabbits that are known to hang out. Some of the other residents in that section also saw the ducks. The one decided to toss bread (not a good idea) to the ducks and that's when the Sea Gulls decided to take advantage and ended up having a small gathering of them on the lawn. Mean while Mother Duck decided to follow the rabbits who wanted no part of anything and bolted. It was rather impressive and crazy sight to see. To think this happened after I had spent time in prayer with a Rosary. 




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Monday, June 1, 2020

Easy to lose hope

 



It is very easy to lose sight and to lose hope while this crisis is going on. The news and social media does a rather impressive job of painting grim picture. Along with leadership that is doing best or worse they can depending on who is doing the talking. No matter how you look at things. It seems the news is constantly bad and will not be getting better anytime soon. It is enough for anyone to sight of any thing positive and to lose hope that anything will get better.

My own spirit has been troubled as of late. Both in part due to the slow opening of the diocese, the various (and probably needed) restrictions on the Mass. But also from the reactions of people who spend their days grumbling over what is going on. The frustration is high enough that people will lash out at anyone who challenges their view of how things are or how they should be. No matter what opinion you have.

One of the biggest questions that has been on my mind in all of this has been: "Where is our faith?". The question itself comes in the form of a rather stunning rebuke of Peter. This is recorded in the 14th chapter of the Gospel of Matthew. Specifically at the end of verse 31: "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?". Many of us have probably been feeling more like Peter than we would ever care to admit. No one can be blamed given the current events. Still we must how much do we truly believe in God that He can and will change things for the better. Do we have the level of faith required for this? Or are we content just to let things remain and wallow in self pity.

For God to be willing to anything for us. It requires an amazing act of total surrender on our parts. A prayerful desire that we want the current storm to pass. That we want things to get better sooner rather than later. So they do not drag on endlessly. A deep faith and total trust in God is needed. For our faith in Christ needs to be with out any question or doubt. This is by no means easy. Given the current state of the world.

God has been tempering us for sometime. We have the choice on these events making us stronger in our walk with Christ. Or shatter our faith into total oblivion. If we want to be stronger. If we want things to change. Then we must commit to prayer and not give up any hope. Even when it seems that the news does not get any better. The choice has always been ours. We can either spend all our days an energy complaining about what is going on around us. To focus on all the negative aspects of our lives. Or we can put our faith in Christ above all else. Taking that time and effort and put it into deep, constant, daily prayer. We cannot do both. God sometimes asks us "Where is your faith?" If anything right now, this is very much the time, to show the world where our faith is at. Even with in the Bible and the lives of the Saints the message is clear: If we want things to change sooner than later we must surrender to Christ and put all of our energy into prayer. Amen?


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Saturday, May 30, 2020

From The Desk: 5/29




Granted I am by no means perfect in this. But I would rather be a bit of an optimist that God will do something profound in our lives during this crisis. That He would change things for the better sooner than what people say or think. Nothing is impossible with God. I have seen this countless times in my own life. It is, for me, putting my own faith into practice.

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Saturday, May 9, 2020

Fear and Worry



“Worry is a weakness from which very few of us are entirely free. We must be on guard against this most insidious enemy of our peace of soul. Instead, let us foster confidence in God, and thank Him ahead of time for whatever He chooses to send us.” -Fr Solanus Casey

  The words of Fr Solanus still ring true today. Worry can open up our hearts in such way that it allows us to given in and be weakened to other forms of spiritual attack. In this specific case fear. Given the chaos going on right now it seems that we are living in a constant state of that fear. We are afraid of getting hit with a virus that is extremely dangerous to some people. We are afraid of inadvertently passing that virus on to someone else not not even realizing it. We live in fear that the lock downs imposed for our safety will never be release. Believers in Christ are also live in fear that we will never be able to return to any of our church services.

  While some fear can be healthy. The majority of it is not. Because much like many negative emotions it can open us up do deep spiritual attack and not even realize it. When we live our lives in a constant state of fear it can make us act in ways we normally would not. Making rational thinking people act in very irrational ways. In our quest to find resolution to a crisis we do things more out of direct reaction than by remaining calm and thinking things though. People often demand action when a crisis hits. Yet in that quest they give into fear and propose blanket actions that may or may not even come close to helping with matters at hand. When we give into that fear then we become a pawn in a spiritual warfare.

  The evil one does not want peace in our hearts nor does he want us to trust God. This is why he uses such tools to ruin our peace and our relationship with Christ. Even when the Apostles were tossed about in the boat. Even in their fear Christ remained with them and calmed the storm. He can also calm the storm with in our own hearts. Giving us much needed clarity to act in a much more rational way.

  Humans may never be able to completely remove fear and worry from our hearts. However Fr Solanus also gives us wisdom: "let us foster confidence in God, and thank Him ahead of time for whatever He chooses to send us." God and prayer are the answers to our own fears.

  We can still take reasonable actions to protect ourselves. While at the same time surrendering to Christ to give us wisdom on how to do things in a decent and compassionate way. My friends now is a time of prayer and it is something we need to be doing. For it will give us true understanding on not giving into the fear that is all around us.

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Wednesday, April 29, 2020

From The Desk: 4-29


Reading though social media can be an epic level dumpster fire at times. More so when it comes to people who get into endless debates over various things going on with in the Church. Some people only see the negative things going on and refuse to accept anything good is going on. They want to see God's wrath and judgement and will use every Bible verse and Catholic tradition to justify their view and any one that runs counter to that might as well be a heretic. It becomes endless cycle of doom and gloom to the point that you can tell the person it's sunny out and they will still tell you it is raining.

No where in the Bible did Christ tell us the road would be an easy one to travel. Even for those that stayed with Christ though Pentecost and after the road was filled with danger. Even in the early days of the Church the road was not easy. It never was meant to be easy. Sure we have had times of calm. But looking though our history we have had just as many times of storm. Yet the common thread in all of it is the believers never gave up hope. They did not always get to the point where all they see is bad things. They also focused on what is good and holy before the eyes of our God. Above all else they did not see everything as doom and gloom. Instead they put a total trust in God. Their faith in Jesus Christ is a lasting reminder of that trust. It is way too easy to see what is wrong in the Church. But despite what people think. It's not all bad. If we want proof of this? Look though our history. Look at the lives of the Saints. Each generation had to face some kind of storm. This one is ours. Surrender to Christ all that troubles us. Surrender to the wisdom of the Holy Spirit who guides us. Surrender and give Glory to God the Father. Though Him all is possible. Focus on that and not give into the darkness on social media. Amen?
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Sunday, April 12, 2020

Vigil Reflection




It is with in the tradition of the Catholic church that the evening before Easter Sunday we have the vigil. It is a time of preparing ourselves to celebrate Christ's return. Tonight however it is profoundly different. While the Mass is still being said. It is not filled with people looking to attend thanks to the ongoing crisis that is still unfolding. For me it is a humbling and sorrowful experience. The reason for this is that in a twist of fate. The only people in the church tonight are the ones sitting inside The Project. While they are still just LEGO figures. They truly represent where my own heart, and the hearts of millions, desire to be at. To be part of the active celebration. While many have argued that it is better to watch/stream the service from home. It is a poor substitute for being with Christ directly in the form of the Eucharist. Tonight we celebrate not as members of our parish communities. But rather we are more like the Apostles who scattered when they saw their teacher put on the Cross. We are locked away and hidden. Tonight for the first time in a generation. We see the resurrection from the eyes of the Apostles. We understand the fear and the unknowns. We seek out God for a better tomorrow. Knowing that something profound is on the horizon. That Jesus Christ is Risen! Alleluia!!!
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Thursday, April 9, 2020

Hope of Attendance





Some feel that when this crisis passes over us. That the churches will remain as empty as they have been for a long time. It is easy to see why people think that. Not sure about other Christian Paths. But their has been an over all decline in attendance of Catholic parishes. Even in my home parish I've seen the numbers slowly dwindle. The reasons vary depending on what is going on. Sometimes people just walk away from Christ thinking that they can visit on the Holidays. When in reality we need to make a stronger commitment to our faith and make Christ far more of a priority than He currently is.

One of the things that I often talk about is hope and the importance of prayer. In this case I have hope that this current crisis will be a wake up call that we can no longer take things for granted. That it will transform how we look at the Catholic faith and open up our hearts with a deep desire to receive the Sacraments once we are able to do so. A hope that we can use this as a giant reset. To make Christ a true priority and to fill our parishes once again. It is something that I pray about often. Unlike some who only want to see the negative in things. I want to remain hopeful that our parishes will see more attendance even long after the current storm has passed us. As we head into Easter. Let us pray for those who struggle in their faith. Who are having a very difficult time. So when the time comes. All can take part in the Mass once again.



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Monday, March 30, 2020

From the Desk: 3-29

As of this writing the world is in the grip of the dreaded Covid-19 virus. Many places are shut down. Public attendance of Mass has been suspended for the time being. With no clear information of when that will change. For the first time in a generation, in many places in the world, their will be no public celebration of Easter. It is a time of great worry. Some are upset with the Bishops decisions in all of this. I for, one, feel that they are guided by the Holy Spirit. Below is a personal reflection of my thoughts on things.

Many people feel that with the suspension of Mass that this will be the end of the church. They question the logic of the Bishops and the reasoning of various leaders. Both in the secular and of the religious. Even in the last few days I've been trying to reflect on the events of this virus and how it impacts my own life. When this crisis first started I was like many who questioned the reasoning of our leadership with in the Catholic church. As I've learned more about how evil this virus is. Along with a healthy dose of personal prayer and reflection. I come to see better what it is the Bishops are doing. The reality is that the Bishops have a burden of leadership that far outweighs the understanding that I would ever hope to have. It is a realization that what is going on is more than my own desires and wants. Rather the entire world is facing a global issue that unless contained. It will destroy all that we hope to gain.

Even if we don't like the decisions being made with in the church. No matter how we look at things. God is in control and He has His reasons for all of this. What I have come to understand is while we wait for the return to the Mass. God is calling each of us to grow deeper in the faith. To develop a passion and craving for what is important vs our own desires. I personally feel this call in my own heart. A reawakening of sorts. A desire to stand firm in the face of the storm and to take on the sacrifice that God has asked of us. Many of us have grown stagnate in our walk with Christ and our relationship with God. We sometimes get too comfortable and go though the motions when we are at Mass. I see hope that this crisis will be a wake up call the church really needs. If current events have shown us. We can no longer afford to take things for granted. With in my own life I have faced many trials that God has put me though. To test and to temper my own understanding. What separates this challenge from the others is that this is one that we are all facing together. Soon the darkness will lift and we will see things return. Till that time we just have to ride out the storm.

-

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Tuesday, March 24, 2020

From The Desk: 3/23

Many people right now feel that any time we have some kind of crisis that is it in some way God's anger being given to us. I'm not sure that is the best way to look at things. Given all that is going on right now. While indeed in the old Testament God's anger was well known. Sending His only son, Jesus Christ, changed a lot of how the world looks at God and how He guides us. So instead of seeing this as God being angry. Perhaps we need to focus more on what we can do during any kind of crisis. We can use this to draw closer to God. We need to repent of our own sins for starters. To come before God with a contrite heart. If anything that these events do is that it does break our spirits down. It reminds us of how much we need God even in the good times of our lives. We must open up our hearts and truly embrace Christ. The more we look about the world the more we realize that we, as a society, have taken far too much for granted. For the most part we live a life of total convenience while at the same time we often look down on those who are not well off. Justifying our reasons for treating people poorly. By and large we do not treat people fairly on any level. So to have our life of convenience ripped from us. That is a true wake up call that something is not right with in our hearts. This is a time for us to pause, reflect, and above all else to pray with out ceasing! We must take the extra time to come before the Lord and seek out His profound wisdom for our lives. For the entire world right now. This is an epic trial. While it feels like all hope is lost. We must use this to our own spiritual advantage. So that when the storm passes we can become stronger. That we can do more to show mercy and compassion that Christ asked of us.
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Tuesday, March 17, 2020

What we take for granted




I think many of us, and at times myself included, have taken the Eucharist for granted. We expect to be able to receive it by going to Mass every Sunday. On the rare times when we miss we expect it when we return because it was our choice not to go. Yet to have that taken away from us. It can be soul crushing. To be denied the source and summit of the Catholic life. For some of us it can be one of the most painful things that we have ever had to take on. The problem comes from the fact that in this generation we have never had to face such a crisis before. Other than the random snow storm, for the most part, we have always had access to the Mass and to other sacraments. The other important issue that we have is that for many of us. We have lost sight or no longer believe in what the Eucharist truly is. The words of the Gospels make it clear when Christ tells us when he holds up the bread "This IS My Body!" and when he holds up the chalice "This IS My Blood!". Those words should always echo in our hearts. But for many those words and their meaning no longer make a connection. They no longer believe that the Eucharist is Christ. It is something we can work on though prayer and evangelizing. If their is any good that come out of this current storm. Is that it can allow us to open our hearts more fully to God. To help and encourage one another as to how important the Mass should be in our lives. After this storm passes we should no longer take the Mass, and by extension, the Eucharist granted. Because in this current age this could very well happen again.
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Friday, March 13, 2020

Reflection 3-12 (2)

Rare or me to write more than one item in a day. However last night this was on my heart.

   I say this often. But it is something that I truly believe. "Surrender to Christ ALL things." Their have been many moments recently where this has become a reminder of that. The evil one will use every tool around to try and ruin our souls. The most vicious of ways to chip at the foundations of why we believe in Christ. We give into the fear, the anxiety, and the panic and we, for a moment, forget that God is with us always. We begin to second guess our own motivations for doing things because when we are afraid we react in ways we otherwise would not. Which is why we need to keep our faith in Christ as strong as we are able. It will temper that fear and allow us to not give into the panic. Let's face it. The world is a scary place. People and groups will use events to further their own agendas. Yet no matter what happens we must be reminded: Christ has already won the victory! He was the one who calmed seas. Surrender does not mean give up in the sense that we have failed. Surrender for me means putting total faith in Christ to give us the wisdom that can cut though the chaos of the world. To help ease the storms of panic, fear, and anxiety of world events. It is easy to give in to what the evil one wants: a total rejection of God. Yet when we "Surrender to Christ ALL things" we are also saying: Jesus I Trust In You! Amen?

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Thursday, March 12, 2020

Reflection 3-12


God allows storms to come into our lives to temper our strength and resolve. We can either let these storms draw us closer to the faith or we can allow it to destroy it. Many of our hearts are weak. Doubts set in and we question if God is even real. Yet though it all God always remains with us. While we may wander away. God never leaves and is always waiting for us to return home. One of the most evil things that can be done is to allow fear to derail us in our walk with Christ. To start to create internal excuses as to why we can't do something. Even going to Mass. As followers of Christ we cannot allow that to happen. We must stand firm in an ever changing world. No matter what storms go on around us. No matter what temporary sacrifices we must make. Our faith in God *must* remain strong. We must also be a light to others who will see our faith with in. Soon the storms will pass and a new day will begin. Till then we must have the courage to ride the storm out.
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Thursday, January 16, 2020

Thoughts on the Tear Down

This is a short little reflection about one of the more important elements of what I do with "The Project".  

 Tear down. A yearly tradition that marks the end of the season and is the prelude to the next one. It is a much needed step in the Project cycle. From a building stand point LEGO while they are very durable undergo a lot of stresses during the season. So tear down is needed to inspect and replace damaged or worn out parts. From a creative stand point it also gives me a chance to review the build brick by brick. To see what ideas worked rather well. But also a chance to see what I can do to improve on for the next build. It really is not unlike how we should live our lives as Christians. A chance to review what is going on with us spiritually. Is sin weighing us down. How much time we spend before God in prayer. Or even how we take part in our parish communities. Sometimes we have to tear away the bad things in our hearts and replace them with something good. Perhaps this is an overly simple way of seeing things. But for me it is a good starting point. While the season may be finished and another one is in the works. The journey is always on going. It is a much needed chance to pause, reflect, and rebuild if needed.
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Tuesday, January 14, 2020

Reflection 1/13/20

I wrote this one last night. Sometimes I get days when I'm dealing with the chronic stuff more than others. This is a personal reflection on that. 

 Their are days when we all struggle with our own set of challenges. The days which seem to be the most darkest. Perhaps due to them we did not get anything on our own agendas finished. Distracted and overwhelmed by our own internal struggles. Those are the days when we wonder "Where is God in all of this?" The answer for me has been "I never left you." With in the lives of the Saints you see this answer. You see it in reflected in their stories. Many of the Saints had to suffer greatly. Often times with limitations that would surprise us in this current age. Yet though their unrelenting faith in Christ they are still able to teach us. It is deeply profound how though the suffering that we can learn how to be humble and to truly embrace God for all that the Father is. God is always willing to give us strength though our challenges and does not abandon us when it seems like all hope is lost. We endure though our struggles because God has made it clear: He loves us. On days when it seems like my own struggles reach that breaking point. I am reminded of how strong God can be. If we allow him fully and unquestionably into our hearts. It is a total surrender that the Saints often lived and lessons we can still learn from. In my own struggles they give me hope even on the days when I feel my own challenges getting the better of me. Knowing that though all that we face. God never leaves us.
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