Going to Mass

On Sunday I had the chance to attend Mass for the first time in almost twelve weeks. It was probably for me, one of the most difficult, and anxiety inducing moments I have had. The anxiety was not related to the virus or fear from it. Rather it was from all the "social distancing rules" that were in place. In many ways it was heart breaking because of the looks on everyone around me. Some of us, and with good reason, are very afraid. At the same time we had such a look of sad children.

During my time at the parish I was lost in my own thoughts. I spent some time in prayer reflecting on many things. During that time I was reminded that God has guided me (and everyone) though many storms with in our lives. That God has remained with us. Even when the boat has been tossed about. It seemed all too fitting given the recent events as of late. I am well aware of the issues with Covid. The protests over the death of George Floyd. The riots and devastation of innocent lives in the aftermath. I am also fully aware that some people fully support, and embrace, such violence and feel that it is the only solution. Yet even with all that going on. Sitting inside the church I am reminded of God's endless love. 

Going to Mass brought with me a clarity that I have not felt in a very long time. What we are seeing right now, with the restrictions, is only temporary. With in time we will have Mass with out limits. As I was praying the thought came to mind: What if God wants us, during this time, to put more of our faith forward. I mean after all are we not true witnesses to what God has done for us? Can we put more of our efforts into asking God to reawaken in us a spirit of hope? I'm sure some will get upset that the churches are starting to reopen. After all the last thing the evil one wants is for us to give any kind of Glory to God. Anyone who knows me understands how important my faith us. The Mass is important to me and I will ride out the storm! I will give Glory to God in all things! And I will keep the prayer that God will change things for the better, sooner than later, and refuse to give up hope on this. 

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Fall is a season right?

Last Tuesday evening I had a rather painful impact with the ground. In this case I ended up falling off my bike. This is not the first time this has happened to me. But it is another challenge that I have to face with from time to time. I am rather overweight. In fact that is one of the first things people notice about me when they meet me. Because of my cerebral palsy I already have issues with balance. I am not stable on my feet for the most part. Walking can be a mild challenge when I'm having a bad day. The weight does not help me at all.

For me the risk of falling is every present. Because I have taken so many falls over the years. Depending on what is going on. I have learned how to react and roll my body in such away as to minimize the risk of getting hurt. However the falls that scare me the most are the ones that come so suddenly that I have no time to react. Last Tuesday's fall was one of those. First time in recent memory that I did get hurt to some degree. I am OK. However I am still feeling the effects of it. Thankfully my bones are rather strong due to my weight. The downside is that the soft tissue gets damaged and hurt because all the energy from the fall has to go somewhere.

What matters for me in this case. Nearly a week out is that I am still able to walk and ride the bike. Despite the rather direct hit I took on my left knee/leg. Even though I am always fearful of that nasty fall that could take me out of commission. I have to learn that even if my worse fears come true. I can still ride out the storm. This past week has been a strong indication of that.

I mention a bike was involved in this fall. In this case a good old fashioned single speed pedal bike. Classic beach cruiser style. I've had the bike since at least 2009. It has gotten a lot of use over the years. In fact I often say that I ride my bike better than I walk. Which in most cases is very true. Someone who is over 400lbs is not suppose to be able to go blocks let alone miles on a bike. People get a little pale when I tell them one of my favorite rides is a ten mile round trip.

I close this post out with this: Things are going to happen no matter how much we prepare. Sometimes elements are just out of our control. It is how we chose to ride out the storms in our life that makes all the difference. It is a lesson that I've been reminded of this past week. Boils down to my usual mantra: By the Grace of God I'm still standing.

-JM