Decided a while back to just use Substack. So if your looking for updated content please check out the links below:
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This blog and it's contents will remain up though a lot of the previous content will be moved over at some point. -JM
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Praying At The Bricks Newsletter
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To see my work at the parish (Christ the Good Shepherd Parish - St. Helen Site) year after year is by far one of the more humbling experiences that I get to have. On the surface it may not seem like much in the long run. Yet it has become such an important part of my own faith journey. As I'm sitting and doing these displays I often get to reflect on the importance of our faith and why our faith should be an important part of our lives. The Project has managed to keep me grounded and extremely humble. Which I am thankful for.
The best explanation for what Visual Snow (VS) is for me is that I see a constant static in my field of vision. It almost seems like I'm watching snow on an old analog TV. That really isn't the best understanding that I have. It almost looks like a transparent snowstorm. Or worse like billions of grains of sand suspended in the air all around me that is constantly moving in place. You almost want to reach out and grab some with your hand. Yet you are unable to. Since it is both close and far at the same time. The mind is having a hard time trying to process what you are trying to see. It is constant and it is endless.
The more I look at the world. The more I have come to understand that it will always be in a state of constant and unending chaos. Something will always be happening. Events on the national stage. Things going on in our own towns and cities. Or closer to home with a family challenge or health crisis. For me it is not always easy to understand what is going on around me. Just feels like at times, it never really seems to end. Whatever peace I have managed to gain lasts for but a moment. Then the storm fires up again and I'm back where I started.
As I walk on this journey of faith. I see this happening more in my life. It catches me off guard and often times I am gripped with a level of anxiety that is way out of my control. It twists and turns like the endless roller coaster seeking to throw me off the track and into the abyss. A constant challenge to navigate through the storm. More so when my reactions are not of my own desire or choosing.
I've always been pretty honest about the challenges I have with mental health. This post was written yesterday after a very bad anxiety attack that I'm still feeling the effects from. This is the reflection that came from that.
I've had a rough day. Before the news was unfolding, I had a fire up of some neurological issues. When the Visual Snow gets rough makes seeing a bit of a challenge. Also means the light sensitivity and the afterimages goes up a few notches. Such stuff then in turn fuels the anxiety so that what would be normal "minor" annoyances like a computer acting up. Turns into a full-blown fire breathing dragon. You do what you can to keep your head above water. Inside you are a jumbled wreck and your tolerance for B.S. goes out the window. You know full well that you're in a spot where you have more in common with an angry snapping turtle than a believer in Christ. It is hard to remain charitable with such a passion for what is going on.
I'm sitting here with a lot on my mind. Which isn't anything that unusual if you know me to any degree. With all that I see and feel it allows me to put some focus on prayer. Even if it's just me having a conversation with God.
The world by and large is a violent place. Our society has this nasty and rather unhealth obsession with it. We (as a society) encourage it when something happens that we disagree with. A vile kind of extremism that both sides of any given debate will quietly endorse. The logic being is if X does Y even in the past then it is perfectly fine to threaten and intimidate here in the present. Making excuses and justifications as if this is something to be rewarded and celebrated.
As world events unfold, I've been told more than a few times that the root of this evil is in fact religion. Given who I am this is something that I completely disagree with. Yet I cannot help but feel the anger and fear that exists in our world and the overall temptation to lash out. Such feelings are downright scary in the age when social media can dictate our desires and actions.
In my own reflections on this I've come to accept that it is my faith in Christ that tempers me. With my focus on Christ, it keeps me grounded in what is truly important in this world. My passion and desire to serve Christ using the talents that God has given me. This desire allows me to put the events of the world into a perspective of clarity and understanding that only the Holy Spirit can give.
