I've always been pretty honest about the challenges I have with mental health. This post was written yesterday after a very bad anxiety attack that I'm still feeling the effects from. This is the reflection that came from that.
I've had a rough day. Before the news was unfolding, I had a fire up of some neurological issues. When the Visual Snow gets rough makes seeing a bit of a challenge. Also means the light sensitivity and the afterimages goes up a few notches. Such stuff then in turn fuels the anxiety so that what would be normal "minor" annoyances like a computer acting up. Turns into a full-blown fire breathing dragon. You do what you can to keep your head above water. Inside you are a jumbled wreck and your tolerance for B.S. goes out the window. You know full well that you're in a spot where you have more in common with an angry snapping turtle than a believer in Christ. It is hard to remain charitable with such a passion for what is going on.
Sometimes you have to take a bit of a step back and put those issues into prayer. Because in those moments' prayer is the only thing that will help. Gives you something to focus on. Even if that prayer is "Jesus Help!" Which has been a bit of a phrase for me today. The world will always be on fire in some way or another. That is just the nature of things. Yet Christ knew that and make it clear. You look though the history of the entire world you see things play out time and time again. What gives me my own hope though my struggles are the lives of the Saints who have gone before us. Some of them faced uphill climbs that make my difficulties seem minor. Living the faith as Catholic is not an easy road to travel on. When we look deeper into things, we see that was done on purpose. We are constantly tested to the point of nearly breaking. When we come out of that storm, we are exhausted and yet stronger for it. My faith in Christ has guided me though many of them.
I've had a rough day. Not the first time and won't be the last time. By the Grace of God, I am still standing. That counts for something.
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