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Saturday, June 20, 2020

A Rush to Judgement on Disability




When I look at my own life though the challenges I face. The biggest problem that I tend to run into is this rather quick rush to judgement about me due to the nature of my disabilities. Though out the course of my life I've had some pretty nasty stuff directed at me as the years have moved on. People are constantly questioning my motives. Or even worse they don't believe me because I don't fit into those narrow boxes of what people who have a disability should look or act like. It has lead to harassment and at times discrimination. 

Going to school was a challenge because I was picked on and bullied a lot. I had to endure so much in school because for some reason the kids felt that I was different. That didn't get any easier as an adult and even now I still face that kind of discrimination that is often overlooked and at times justified. Often by well meaning people who don't realize that such actions and words are noticed. Sometimes they hurt even when that is not their intention. It seems that having a disability, especially an invisible one, still has some kind of stigma attached to it.

Everything that is negative being thrown at you can easily wear you down. If your not careful it can lead you down to a very nasty place if you let it. By the Grace of God I am still standing. As a Catholic I have been able to rely on my faith during some of the more challenging moments of my life. Though Christ I have learned to try, as much as I can, to take the high road. Doing what I can to not hold on to the anger. I realize that some people just don't understand. They do not know what it is like to live with a disability. More so if it is one of the ones not easily seen. They will also be the ones who won't take the time to try and understand. In Matthew 5:7 it says: "Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy." Part of taking that high road is to follow that wisdom: I have forgiven a lot of people because of their ignorance. My hope is that by talking about what I've faced that I can open up people's eyes a little bit. I pray that people would have some empathy before they make that kind of a rush to judgement. 


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Monday, June 8, 2020

Going to Mass





On Sunday I had the chance to attend Mass for the first time in almost twelve weeks. It was probably for me, one of the most difficult, and anxiety inducing moments I have had. The anxiety was not related to the virus or fear from it. Rather it was from all the "social distancing rules" that were in place. In many ways it was heart breaking because of the looks on everyone around me. Some of us, and with good reason, are very afraid. At the same time we had such a look of sad children.

During my time at the parish I was lost in my own thoughts. I spent some time in prayer reflecting on many things. During that time I was reminded that God has guided me (and everyone) though many storms with in our lives. That God has remained with us. Even when the boat has been tossed about. It seemed all too fitting given the recent events as of late. I am well aware of the issues with Covid. The protests over the death of George Floyd. The riots and devastation of innocent lives in the aftermath. I am also fully aware that some people fully support, and embrace, such violence and feel that it is the only solution. Yet even with all that going on. Sitting inside the church I am reminded of God's endless love. 

Going to Mass brought with me a clarity that I have not felt in a very long time. What we are seeing right now, with the restrictions, is only temporary. With in time we will have Mass with out limits. As I was praying the thought came to mind: What if God wants us, during this time, to put more of our faith forward. I mean after all are we not true witnesses to what God has done for us? Can we put more of our efforts into asking God to reawaken in us a spirit of hope? I'm sure some will get upset that the churches are starting to reopen. After all the last thing the evil one wants is for us to give any kind of Glory to God. Anyone who knows me understands how important my faith us. The Mass is important to me and I will ride out the storm! I will give Glory to God in all things! And I will keep the prayer that God will change things for the better, sooner than later, and refuse to give up hope on this. 



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Saturday, June 6, 2020

People Wonder





People often wonder how I can have such a strong faith in a world that seems to have lost it. How I can talk about the power of prayer in the face of things that should destroy the human spirit.

My answer is this: When I look though out my entire life. I've seen the events that have shaped me. I've seen so many things happen that seemed to be completely impossible to overcome and yet have seen turned around thanks to those who are willing to put their faith forward. I have seen what Surrendering to Christ can do for those who believe in HIM! I have seen too many things go from bad to good thanks to asking God for help. 

That is why when the storms seem to be at their worse. I know God will answer the prayers of the faithful. HE has done it countless times and has changed the course of many lives. How can we stand here and openly proclaim Christ as our Savior and yet not accept that God can and will change things for the better if we are willing to ASK. If anything we cannot allow ourselves to give into the fear and the doubts that the world will not change for the better. If anything we who proclaim Christ have the power. We have always had it. That power is our Faith in Jesus Christ. Prayer will help if we are willing to Ask God for help. I know I am.


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Wednesday, June 3, 2020

A little Ducky





Every evening or so I take a short little ride in my apartment complex. Often times to clear my head of the events around me. In most cases I will once in a while see the random rabbit and that's about it. Nothing overly eventful taking place. The other night? Well I was in for an adventure. This started off with seeing a group of geese flying over my head as I started off. Then I ended up spotting a Mother duck and her ducklings. I followed them around for a little bit till they came near the one corner of the complex. That's when I saw the rabbits that are known to hang out. Some of the other residents in that section also saw the ducks. The one decided to toss bread (not a good idea) to the ducks and that's when the Sea Gulls decided to take advantage and ended up having a small gathering of them on the lawn. Mean while Mother Duck decided to follow the rabbits who wanted no part of anything and bolted. It was rather impressive and crazy sight to see. To think this happened after I had spent time in prayer with a Rosary. 




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Monday, June 1, 2020

Easy to lose hope

 



It is very easy to lose sight and to lose hope while this crisis is going on. The news and social media does a rather impressive job of painting grim picture. Along with leadership that is doing best or worse they can depending on who is doing the talking. No matter how you look at things. It seems the news is constantly bad and will not be getting better anytime soon. It is enough for anyone to sight of any thing positive and to lose hope that anything will get better.

My own spirit has been troubled as of late. Both in part due to the slow opening of the diocese, the various (and probably needed) restrictions on the Mass. But also from the reactions of people who spend their days grumbling over what is going on. The frustration is high enough that people will lash out at anyone who challenges their view of how things are or how they should be. No matter what opinion you have.

One of the biggest questions that has been on my mind in all of this has been: "Where is our faith?". The question itself comes in the form of a rather stunning rebuke of Peter. This is recorded in the 14th chapter of the Gospel of Matthew. Specifically at the end of verse 31: "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?". Many of us have probably been feeling more like Peter than we would ever care to admit. No one can be blamed given the current events. Still we must how much do we truly believe in God that He can and will change things for the better. Do we have the level of faith required for this? Or are we content just to let things remain and wallow in self pity.

For God to be willing to anything for us. It requires an amazing act of total surrender on our parts. A prayerful desire that we want the current storm to pass. That we want things to get better sooner rather than later. So they do not drag on endlessly. A deep faith and total trust in God is needed. For our faith in Christ needs to be with out any question or doubt. This is by no means easy. Given the current state of the world.

God has been tempering us for sometime. We have the choice on these events making us stronger in our walk with Christ. Or shatter our faith into total oblivion. If we want to be stronger. If we want things to change. Then we must commit to prayer and not give up any hope. Even when it seems that the news does not get any better. The choice has always been ours. We can either spend all our days an energy complaining about what is going on around us. To focus on all the negative aspects of our lives. Or we can put our faith in Christ above all else. Taking that time and effort and put it into deep, constant, daily prayer. We cannot do both. God sometimes asks us "Where is your faith?" If anything right now, this is very much the time, to show the world where our faith is at. Even with in the Bible and the lives of the Saints the message is clear: If we want things to change sooner than later we must surrender to Christ and put all of our energy into prayer. Amen?


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